Hips like wet noodles

Music: Jimi Hendrix: Catfish Blues

I’ll start with this today: funny moment from beer fest over the weekend that amused me. By the way a great opportunity to taste beers and, um, kill off lingering brain cells. I take a picture with my sister-in-law Jennifer. The exchange went something like:

Jennifer: haha, you made the funny goofy face

Me: Well it’s not like I’m trying to make that face, that’s just what happens when they say ‘smile’. Part of the charm.

This was right before the great pretzel massacre

Physical therapy has a way of making you feel self conscious about things you never knew you were supposed to feel self conscious about, but are really nice about it. Follow? Like if someone were to say to you “I really like your jacket, I didn’t even know they made them like that anymore.” Or, “Wow, look at the size of those nostrils!”

Anyway I’ve been told I have weak hips, and I need to work on that. Now I’ve never given thought to my hips before, so I don’t know if I’m offended. I mean I’m a natural pear, and I embrace that. My female readers will know what I’m talking about.

Now that I’m almost two months out of surgery, we can start cranking up the volume on some of the workouts. Which is good considering I am very interested in this recovery, but can be bad when I’m grunting and groaning with my legs in the TRX straps, and the joke is on me because they are clearly some kind of futuristic birthing device.

Consider this a better looking model for an accurate measure of what I’m doing

Feels kind of like…By the way I just found out the sport known as “effeminate spandex ribbon twirling” in the Olympics is technically called “Rythmic Gymnastics,” who knew?

So my child-bearing hips must get stronger. Fine. They tell me this is to make things less awkward when I start running again. The exercise is awfully hard…sort of feels like someone is squeezing on the back of my knee. And  so the grunting and groaning in the YMCA continues. If anything it gives me an excuse to ‘pick things up and put them down,’ which I do so enjoy.

How I picture myself…

…and probably more accurate

Stay tuned! Something odd coming up! ( I don’t know yet, but you can be willing to bet)

Oscar Pistorious, hero to knee injurees everywhere

Music: Damien Rice: Cannonball

As  a sports fanatic, summer is usually a difficult time for me. NBA playoffs end and unless you are into watching baseball on television –something about repetitive motion puts me right to sleep, baseball and ‘How it’s made’– the culture is bleak and dark when in June I am trying to scrounge up facts on Panthers voluntary minicamp.

Only this year is different. I have the Olympics! I love the games because I get to get feel patriotic and wave the flag, scream at the Kenyans, and root for sports that I generally do not understand. Phelps, Budweiser, and the American Dream. That’s all I need to know about this summer.

This is the British Olympic Tug-o-war team from the early 1900s. Not kidding.

As you well know from this blog, my Olympic dreams were dashed this year by my knee injury. Don’t worry, I’ll have my water wings back on in men’s solo synchronized swimming for the next cycle. My frog-kick is god given.

I will get to the point, sheesh. A story from the olympics that intrigues me this year is Olympic 400M runner Oscar Pistorious. Pistorious, from South Africa, is a double amputee and running on artifical legs called ‘blades’. I know what you’re thinking. “Joel’s about to make fun of the guy with no legs, what an Ahole.” Well, I’m taking the high road, so there.

In case you don’t feel like clicking. Got a little spring in his step. Sorry.

The debate now is should he be allowed to run for his country? Let’s get this out of the way: he’s not going to win. He’s a long shot to even make the final, and most experts give him an exponentially small chance of even medaling. Even still, I think the guy is awesome. Why? Name another runner in the 400M, from any country. Hell, name another Olympian from another country in ANY sport.

The Olympics used to be about inspiration and story. An athlete has an opportunity to transcend sports on a global stage. It takes a lot of courage to get up there for your country, and if a kid with no legs sees an Olympian with the same, it would mean more to them than another last place finisher who may or may not even show up in the guide book.

This was not about Nike shoes.

So I applaud the Olympics for letting Pistorious run, and I, for one, will be rooting for him.

I’m now going to spend the rest of this post talking about robots. This should not surprise you. Give Pistorious synthetic wings and a rocket belt.

All I’m saying is I wanted a robot knee. I wrote about it here. When I tore my ACL in March, I saw this as my opportunity to be rebuilt, better, faster, stronger. If not ‘half man, half machine,’ at the very least I was hoping for was some robot parts. Some cool gadgets or laser beams or secret compartments.

The technology is here. I want one. and I want to be allowed to compete in Olympic power lifting in one.

And why we’re at it, who’s up for a robot Olympics? Though I suppose being built to certain calculated specifications would take the guess work out of events. T9000 wins the gold, because it is designed to. Even still, and I’m just saying, couldn’t we all use a little more of this in our lives? I know I could.

I know its a slippery slope, If he wins the athletic community will be up and arms to decry a need for separation between man and machine. Of course we all know what this eventually leads to, but come on, what’s the worst that could happen if we let Pistorious run?

We’d probably start with something like:

I have been sent back from the future to tell you Skynet will become self aware in 1997. Also vote conservative in this years election. YEAAAHAAALLL.

Plenty of this:

Ignore the subtle innuendo in this photo

And eventually:

Doomsday, the machines declare war on humanity, sequels come out that make no sense in context of the previous movies, and so on and so forth

 

Well that got weird in a hurry.

Stay tuned! I know this is two posts unrelated to the ACL in a row, but I plan on describing what physical therapy is like next week!

5 tips for increasing blog readership (intentionally and unintentionally increasing web presence)

Music: Circa Survive: The Longest Mile

Sometimes I think about why I write in this blog, why I wanted to start it, and I don’t really have anything concrete to tell you. My thought process went something like: knee went boom, well, it’s something to write about at least. I started this blog two days after I parted ways with my ACL (isn’t that polite?), I was cooped up, bored…and I don’t know if you know this but I have always had and abundant amount of snarkiness that needs to be put to good use.

I’ve always had a selfish view of blogging. See: “I write for me because it’s what’s in my head. You can read it, sure, but mostly writing for me is about keeping the thoughts that roll around up there from crashing into other thoughts and creating four-car brain-pileups. Writing, quite literally, keeps me sane.”

Get the idea? This is not exactly a joke

That car metaphor is not exactly mine, by the way. Ever read Fraznen’s The Corrections? (I saw gears popping off the machinery in his brain and crashing into other important machinery. As a note I often remember certain metaphors in books more than the books themselves. All time favorite: Soon I will be invincible: “When life gives you lemons…squeeze them, hard. Make an acid poison, fling it in their eyes.”)

Anyway along the way of my selfish, musing, snarky missives, something unintended happened. You happened. We, as a blog, are right under 1,000 hits for 20 or so posts. It’s not a lot, but there’s an audience here, and when you have an audience you have the opportunity to increase your audience, or ‘web-presence.’

By the way, blogs matter. In my last newspaper gig, the editor in cheif’s blog was by far the most read article on post to their website. Somehow, the blog is more credible than the news article in the online space.  I’m still being cheap, and have not yet paid for my domain and additional storage, but I thought this was a terrific view of blogging.  Simply put, what matters to you matters, and why shouldn’t it?

As I aspire to a career in marketing or public relations or something related (exotic dance is not out of the cards, as long as you call it PR/marketing dancer, etc.).  I realize the importance of online media. No one is making me…or even asking me for that matter…to write this blog, but it’s something that’s well within my skillset. So when asked if I have experience in online media, well, I blew out my knee wrote about it, promoted it, and people read about it.

How’s that for making acid poison?

So here are some things I have learned about promoting and collecting hits on my blog: (Amanda will think I am stacking blocks here.)

1. Linking-The more places you have links to your blog, the more hits you will collect. Most of my hits come through Facebook, but each link I post on other places is worth a handful of hits. I read Mark Tosczak from RLF Communications in Greensboro’s blog frequently, and he has great ideas on this: call it gathering string.  http://marktzk.com/gathering-string/

2. Tagging- I’m a late arrival to this one, but see those little grayed-0ut words under the title? People search the wordpress database by category, and those tags are a good way to generate some organic hits to your blog.

3. Pay attention to (some of) the old rules- Former newspaper reporter here, so I dig rules. AP Style, deadlines, lede’s,  captions. Structure establishes credibility, so write with appropriate grammar and style on the blog and people will be more apt to associate you with credible content, something the internet has always struggled with.  You still need to get people here, so write a short headline that pulls people in. I haven’t always been the most diligent editor on the web, but from here on out I promise super clean.  (As if that bothers anyone but me).

4. Ignore (some of) the old rules- So you’re writing for a blog, which immediately makes it more fun than newspaper. Opine, chortle, poke fun, enjoy yourself. If you’re having fun, chances are the audience will too. Use words like chortle.

5. Pictures/video/media– What I enjoy most about blogs is the ability to incorporate media directly into the writing. A picture is worth a thousand words right? Heresy for writers, but instead of describing it, post a picture.  I like to use pictures as adjectives, try it out. Post more pictures. All the time. Digital age folks, dem’s da berries.

For instance, I’ve been thinking of a way for a few weeks to work Garfield minus Garfield into a post. Couldn’t do it, but I think these are brilliant. More here.

 

6. Hunger for more – Here’s the thing about the digital space, it’s still new, so no one really knows exactly what works yet. There is no ‘right way,’ not yet. We are the experts in an ever growing field. Embrace that role- learn and absorb all you can.

I’m no expert. I want to know more about how to market your blog and advertising. Of course, I will ask my girlfriend (she’s really good at this stuff) but any other thoughts?

I mentioned ACL in this post once. Did so.  Stay tuned, more knee fun soon!

Ground may be closer than it appears

Music: Alkaline Trio, Dead on the Floor

Friday posts are typically not read all that well. All the same, for your weekend and on behalf of our nation’s BDay, here is USA Gymnast Nastia Lukin falling off the high bar.

Feel free to watch this video as often as necessary to get the idea. Here’s the point of this. Karma often shows up to punish me for bad jokes, and I truly believe it.

I was watching the Olympic trials last week with some of the vile enthusiasm of a NASCAR fan waiting for crashes. Gymnastics is no doubt ridiculously hard. Even before the knee injury I couldn’t get up on that bar, in front of 20,000 people, and your entire country if you get selected. The pressure of situation must be difficult on a 22 year-old whose career is over because she is told she is old for a sport dominated by teenagers. Not to mention the sheer physical aspect of swinging by your pinky finger on a bar 10 feet in the air.

Even still, that didn’t stop me from watching this. And rewinding it. And watching it in slow motion. And making up a fun drinking game based on how high she bounced. You know the announcers were holding back on ‘What a Nastia fall’ jokes.

Can I have one more?

Maybe she should try out for diving…

Karma does not like me to tell such jokes I think. One of the things where there are definitely some kinks for my walk is hills. Specifically, going down them. Knee surgery gives you the balance of drunken sailor (what do we do with a druken Gerber…) and darkness and ego took care of the rest last night after fireworks.

Picture if you will: roots, downhill slope, sandals. Clearly a recipe for disaster. I take a step and the left leg (the good one, supposed to be reliable) slips, and instead of compensating like people with two good knees would do, my body went into “Protect Knee At All Costs” mode. I go limp, flail around a bit, wobble, and proceed to roll/slide to the bottom. Amanda has a good laugh.

Hey, C’mon it’s not like I possessed that much grace before the injury.

For Scale: the story I would tell you.

Probably closer to reality.

I promise to no longer make fun of gymnasts eating it on national television.

(Yeah, we both know that’s not true)

That sound was your hopes and dreams crashing. Or your spine.

You would think I would have learned the first time, Duck and Cover.

Have a good weekend! Stay tuned!

Paddling, Johnny Cash and Dinosaurs

Music: Johnny Cash: I’ve been everywhere

Note (done this a few times, it’s punnyier than I  originally intended…get it? ahem…): I feel like I had to choose this song today because I heard a Rihanna song on the radio that rips off the hook of this song for dance pop garbage. Though I must confess my ignorance: didn’t realize Johnny Cash wasn’t the original on this track. Perhaps, if a new generation can come to realize a great song through a cover…..nah I can’t do it. She’s so terrible. Its in poor taste, but I used to tell the joke “I know why Chris Brown hit Rihanna.”

“She got to the chorus of umbrella, and really, he was protecting himself…”

She did what to one of my hits? What’s a Rihanna?

Anyway.

One of the things I have been trying to figure out is how to get in physical activity and cardio with a blown knee. Well, I found one on Saturday: paddling.

**I know calling it paddling sounds a little pretentious, like I’m trying to be  Billy Badass (don’t worry, I earned it, just wait). Some people would call this canoeing, but on the river I was thinking about word usage, and paddle seems like  a more likely verb than canoe. If you are driving somewhere, do you say you are going ‘car-ing?’

Everybody worries about thing like this…? Guys?

So aforementioned paddling trip took place near Salisbury with Joe and I traveling down the Yadkin River and into High Rock Lake. I didn’t exactly  map  it when I started, just parked my truck in the middle of the lake, and we drove up to where we wanted to put in.

Long, hot, story short we paddled all day. We were out there for a literal  eight hours (and two minutes), and paddled  23.35 miles. In a day. You stop feeling your hands at about six hours.

Can you say…BEAST? Good map work Joe.

GRAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHGAARRBBEEEEL.

Excuse me. That was a barbaric shout. Over the internet. On my blog. No didn’t quite do it, better post a picture of something manly.

“On the count of three, say your favorite dinosaur. One….two….Velociraptor.” (Step Brothers)

This was on Saturday, which had to be one of the hottest days of the year as well. And since I am in the habit of over sharing on this blog, I found out what sun poisoning looks like and feels like. Think sunburn, but with  hundreds of little pimples on my chest. It’s like I was bathing in pizza. (Brilliant marketing idea for Axe or something, pizza spray?)

Want a picture? Don’t worry I won’t.

Why do I self depricate so? Why, when at a party this weekend in a house with a ‘condom basket’ do  I ask Amanda to keep looking as she pulls out an extra large condom? Because I’m not too worried it amuses me. I’m not one to laugh at the misfortune of others, but I find my own hilarious.

I could spin this so it’s about my knee, but come on, I managed to work pictures of Johnny Cash and a picture of a dinosaur into one post. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED.

Stay tuned! Got some new ideas, some of which pertain to my knee!

On working out with Grandma

Music: Greenday: She

Over the last few years I have faded in and out of meatheadedness. Society says I am at least somewhat of a smart guy, with degrees and and newspaper work. I read things, write things, and sometimes have thoughts that do not include sports, beer, pizza, etc.

Despite my clearly established pseudo-intelligence (using prefixes like ‘psuedo’ must mean I went to college) I spend an hour moving metal around in various ways and come away completely satisfied. I’m a skinny guy by nature, and the only way I can tell I’ve been working out is how veiny I get. Even still, I like to throw weight on the rack, grunt like I’m a Russian tennis player, and get up and flex like I’m Mark McGuire after a steroid and ox tail smoothie in 96. Extra neck bulge, coach.

See, meatheadness.

The point of that (of course there was a point) is I’m working out mostly on my own now for rehab, and I’m doing none of the meat head weight moving. Most of it now involves the use of a yoga ball, or the colorful eight pound weights (don’t have to use the colorful ones, but might as well own it).

Here is the workout as much as I can stand.

Heat for 10minutes or Bike/Elliptical Trainer

Foam roller Hamstring/Calf

Hamstring Stretch/Calf Stretch- 3x30s

Single Leg Balance Chop/Lift with Medicine Ball (5-10 to start)

Rear Foot Elevated on Bench Lunge

Squat and Press with light Dumbbell (5-10 to start)

Physio-ball Hamstring Curl 2×10 (Will Be New)

Double Leg Deadlift against wall with light dumbbell 10-15 pounds

Plank series 15×10

Single Leg Bridge 20×4

I also get to use the machines, at the cost of my pride.  Nothing like waiting for the silver sneaker club to finish their circuit before getting to pump the iron.

Hey are you done yet? I need to hammer out some reps.

On the up though, when the bar is set low, it’s easy to feel like a superhero. This whole clip is worth listening to,  but skip to 3:30 for the part I’m talking about.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9222553120091014728

(issues with embedding this morning, don’t feel like fixing it, tab it)

Of course the other part of my workout now is trying to get my flexion (bent-ness) back in my knee. If you ever see the guy sitting on a mat who looks like he’s about to shat himself trying to pull his knee into his chest, go give him a high five.

By the way greetings to whoever viewed this blog from Canada! Throw another shrimp on the barbie! No kangaroos in Austria.

Holy hand grenades and big baby Joel’s first steps

Music: Katharine McPhee: Run

Note: As a lifelong underground music supporter, big label hater, I know I should tell you about the original snow patrol version of this song rather than the cover popularized by a certain musical theater TV show last season. But have you HEARD her voice? At least it wasn’t Glee. I’m beginning to think my acute lack of street cred is going to be a detriment to budding hip-hop career. So is flawless grammar and using words like detriment.

Anyway.

I promised I would actually talk about progress, my knee, and other things of which this blog was supposed to be out at the outset.

So I am sixish weeks out from surgery, and I’m not exactly limping. My leg has the strength back in it to walk normal.

Only I don’t know how to walk normal.

It feels like I’m walking in a flipper on my right leg. Like my brain doesn’t exactly know how to make a correct step. Have you ever thought about what goes into every step you take? Probably not, because you haven’t had to since your body’s natural equilibrium figured that out as a toddler.

We all did it a different rates, see my four-year-old nephew Austin, who has been covered in bruises since he took his first step, and the very next one was a sprint. Screw balance and control, concentrate on speed, obstacles be damned. What a fine defender he is going to make.

An old one, but as soon as dad lets go, Austin will either take off at full speed or go straight down on his face. He doesn’t care much either way.

Point is, my brain and leg are like two old friends getting reacquainted. So I can walk normal, but I have to think about it. Right leg step: Push off the front of my foot, bring my ankle down, pull the knee forward and up, make sure the hip rotates straight foward (not to the inside),  plant on the heel and repeat. If I don’t think about it, my body wants to keep my leg straight and swing my hip around in a circle. If you catch me doing this, please publicly mock me into shame so I don’t do it again.

You either appreciate British humor or you don’t, but I often like I’m walking like this:

Physical Therapy once a week, they still beat me up, but mostly I’m working out on my  own now. More on that later. Pain is way down on the scale, like a toe stub on the scale of sunshine to anything Justin Beiber sings, says, does or wears. You figure it out.

Just in case you didn’t get the point about British humor:

Earlier: The gun’s not real!

He says it is!

He also says dogs can’t look up!

They can’t!

As usual, this was used to get you here

Stay tuned, I have lots of ideas!

On UNC basketball, and I still have four years of eligibility left

Music: Wyclef Jean: Fast Car

 

I’m going to write a post about UNC and the Tar Heels because I want to talk about guards Dexter Strickland and Leslie McDonald, who are recovering from the same injury I am. I am conflicted about this.

Basketball fans, you get it?

I will say in my life I have had an up and down relationship with the Tar Heels. Growing up, my family liked Duke, and as I’ve been prone to do whenever I faced a ‘this is what everyone else is doing’ moment, I went the other way and chose UNC. As I said, up and down from there.

UP: Sean May, Ray Felton and co. win a championship.

Down: Sean May, Ray Felton flop in NBA,  sink the Bobcats.

UP: Tyler Hansbrough. Tyler Smash.

Down: Roy Williams has opposing fans thrown out of a game against D-III Presbyterian when UNC led by 70.

Down: Realizing there are entirely too many of these guys at Chapel Hill.

UP: If John Henson wore a green hat (bring your green hat!), he may be mistaken for a very slim tree.

Down: Hearing UNC fans calling for Roy Williams’s job the year after winning a championship

Up: Kendall Marshall could play better basketball blindfolded than you.

Down: Actual quote from Chapel Hill fan: “I do not consider anyone else a true Carolina fan unless they give 30% of their yearly salary to the Rams club”

So where are we now? Maybe ‘not my team’ but still a fan? Can you do that?

 

That may have been a more ramble-some introduction than usual. Excuse me, non sports fans,  space has never been hard to fill when I’m thinking about sports.

So this is an article from last week about the two aforementioned UNC guards. It’s worth the read if you are a sports fan, or if you, you know, recently tore your ACL.

An article from last week about Dexter Strickland and Leslie McDonald

Mostly this:

“I was just telling him that he’s going to go through some ups and downs, and the first thing he has to do is put in his mindset that he’s going to work through it, and give it his all,” McDonald said. “You know, I told him right then that the surgery isn’t the worst pain.

“It’s getting through the rehab, going through it every day, and going through it hard.”

UP. and on the way UP. Power to you fellas. Healing is a process, grind grind grind grind grind….

 

I will eventually talk about my knee again. Unless I get distracted.

 

Ok fine an update soon about rehab, what I’m doing, what it’s like, and the happiest I’ve ever been to get beat up twice a week. Stay tuned!

 

I have to have at least one a week right? On second thought maybe its a good thing cameras weren’t on hand for my injury.
“Sir, we got complaint of a woman crying hysterically”
“Oh. I’ll tell her to stop” (Forgetting Sara Marshall. GREAT movie)

My 5 most memorable knee injuries, and where are they now

I follow lots of athletes careers and lately I’ve taken interest in comebacks from knee surgeries. Despite my aforementioned pro-football ambitions, the best I’m hoping to get back to is basketball, ultimate frisbee and racquetball. Can’t imagine having someone dive into my knee.

Perhaps it’s a little uncouth to post pictures (and snarky comments) of other people’s injuries, but as you can probably gather, if I had pictures of myself following, or during my injury I would post them. And you know I would.

Without any further ado: the five most memorable knee injuries.

5. Illian Eptimov goes for a rebound, comes down short a few ligmanets

Good thing Eastern European countries are known for their healthcare

If you watched ACC basketball growing up you may remember this one. Really the only thing I remember out Emptimov’s career was this knee injury. One of those ‘nobody touched him’ injuries where there was definitely some wiggle in his knee when he came down.

Now: Came back to play at State the following year, grabbed some rebounds but wasn’t that great to begin with. Probably playing in Europe, or is the Czar of his own town.

4. JoePa gets taken out

Perhaps not the picture of agility at 143 years old

Perhaps, if you are not a sports fan, you may have heard of Joe Paterno in the last year. Not here to get into that. The JoePa I remember is a hopeless old football coach who the networks would train the camera on when he had to run to bathroom between plays. Who knows if he could still coach, he was there for 40 years. Most people don’t do any one thing for 40 years in their lifetime, let alone sustain a coaching position where the average tenure is three seasons.

Anyway this was the last JoePa was on the sidelines, I thought he might die right there on the sideline.

If John Deere made a Hoverround…

Now: Well…continued coaching for another few years, but history will not be kind to JoePa.

3. Willis McGahee invents a new direction for his knee to go

Wait is that his….oh lord.

The fact that this is number three lets you know there are terrible things in store. McGahee was unstoppable at Miami, that is until this happened. I remember watching the bowl game, he was single-handedly bringing the canes back when uh, THAT happened. On the up, he could probably do the stanky leg like a champ after this.

Now: Actually had a nice career in the NFL. Started for a few times and spot duty for others, last I checked he was still in the league.

2. Cadillac Williams can hear the ocean…out of his knee

In yoga, this position is called ‘The Cadillac’

This game I remember vividly. Carnel “Cadillac” Williams was on pace to be the best running back in the NFL his rookie season. He was in the process of destroying the Panthers (See background Steve Smith: DAY-UMN), and landed wrong. I had to turn off the game.

Now: Had a decent career despite another ACL tear the following season. Mostly backup and spot duty, but bounced around the league for another five years or so.

1. Sean Livingston gives the audience a lesson in the anatomy of your knee

Feel free to look at this image for as little time as possible

Now a days with advances in medicine and surgery, few injuries are classified as imminently career ending. This one was. Or should have been. I remember SportsCenter kept playing this.

Now: Not only did Livingston walk again, but worked himself back into a NBA comeback. I believe it took him nearly three years, which is an inspiration in body and pain management, as well as determination. You go Sean. At four weeks, I cannot imagine rehabbing for three years. Has carved out a nice career as a backup point guard.

Honorable mentions: Thomas Davis, rehabbing from third consecutive ACL tear, may return this season. Tony Allen, tore his ACL on a showboat dunk a few years ago about 15 seconds after the whistle, doh.

Phew, we made it. That turned out much worse than I thought it would. I’m going back to the fluffy bunnies for next time.

In fact:

These puppies have never had a knee injury, unless you count tripping over their loose skin wrinkles. I feel better now.

Therapy, profanity, and recovery schedule.

I had this thought last night: having dogs is like having adorable, lazy stalkers. Spud is asleep at my feet, and Lucy asleep  on the couch. If I were to leave the room right now, I would be followed. Not exactly like a thief in the night either.  Lucy jingles, probably intentionally, and Spud often does not seem to notice closed doors.

Our conversations go like this in my head:

Me: “Alright, leave me alone, go do something else”

Dogs: Huh? Like what?

Me: I don’t care, like contribute

Dogs: but you are here, and you might do something awesome

 

That has nothing to do with my knee, but Lucy demands a writing credit for this post. There’s my contribution to blog paws, Amanda.

So I am now officially four weeks out from surgery, my scars are cool, I am up and walking, and doing physical therapy twice a week. Which as so far consists of two parts, James beating me up and my doing things that should be easy and aren’t.

10 of these sideways and forward. Makes you feel like Forrest, Forrest Gump

Step ups of about three inches. Me and skinny leg can do about 15 of these bad boys in a row. Put me in coach. How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?… Yeah… Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would’ve been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.

Then there’s this, and we go as far as I can go without profanity.

Here’s the schedule of important dates in the future:

Week three: off crutches and out of braces. Status: way ahead of schedule

You are here.

Week six: Important week, Bone is supposed to grow over the graft and screws, by this week you are supposed to know whether the knee is going to work like its supposed to, or if you need an additional surgery to increase motion. Projected date: June 26.

Can you say motivation to work hard in therapy?

Week 12-16: At this point I can go back to light running, straight lines only, and probably not much to begin with. Projected date: Second–Fourth week in August

Week 26–32: Resume sport-like activities. This one is the most up in the air. From what they tell me it will depend on strength tests, how quickly I heal, setbacks, general badassery, etc.  Projected date: Late October–Early December 

With this injury and the recovery schedule, unfortunately, has once again eliminated my status as a potential walk-on for the Carolina Panthers. I keep putting my name in the draft and I know they could use a 6′ nothing 170 pound linebacker with 5.5 speed and Tebow-like intangibles. Though probably with few rousing pre-game prayer sessions.

I’m not sure in what order the activities come back. My theory now though is that I’m going to get into the first thing I can do. I don’t care if it’s running, yoga, Tai Chi,  Zumba, Jazzercise, striperobics, whatever, I’m first in line and  sign me up.

Feel the burn ladies, feel the burn. By the way at the potential expense of my sex life I could so grow that do’

I have something terrible in mind for next time. Stay tuned.